I've been eating this everyday for the past few weeks :] it's so good!

So ready to get out of this town, I'm so done with these people. Eventually it all gets old and we're never satisfied, so I guess I'm on to the next adventure of my life...

Note to Self:

I feel as if the little bit of ego I gained through this has been stripped away, into emptiness. At least I'm back to my old self. I don't really want to try that again because the little bit of hope I had is now gone. So maybe I should learn to stop anticipating something good can happen, anyways it was all just a big mind game I set myself up for. Well time to shut off your feelings like  the vampires do. It's all a big blur now. Adieu

In that dream I could hardly contain it All my life I will wait to attain it

It's been a gloomy few days, praying for the people in the tornado, found out some pretty jaw dropping things, I guess bad things can happen to good people. Lets just all fall asleep into a dream. Sorry I only smile when necessary, so I tend to look pissed off

In that dream I'm as old as the mountains
Still is starlight reflected in fountains
Children grown on the edge of the ocean
Kept like jewelry kept with devotion

In that dream moving slow through the morning

You would come to me then without answers
Lick my wounds and remove my demands for now
Eucalyptus and orange trees are blooming
In that dream there's no darkness alluded

In that dream moving slow through the morning time

In that dream I could hardly contain it
All my life I will wait to attain it
There, there, there

I know someday the smoke will all burn off
All these voices I'll someday have turned off
I will see you someday when I've woken
I'll be so happy just to have spoken
I'll have so much to tell you about it

In that dream I could hardly contain it
All my life I will wait to attain it
There, there, there

Wide-eyed walker, don't betray me
I will wake one day, don't delay me
Wide-eyed leaver, always going 

I wish I was pretty. I know that's a typical superficial thing to say but honestly, I'm so envious of people like that, though they may go through a lot of hardships, i don't understand i still want it. Lately people have been making fun of me again, and I blame it on myself for letting other peoples criticism affect me, but honesty being teased all my life really ruined me and I'm so sick of it. Since middle school I remember when this guy I had the biggest crush on told me that I was ugly and stupid and that he would never like me. My self esteem  immediately dropped from there. I've been teased and laughed at for so many things. From my own best friend, being completely horrible-though I don't blame her because she is completely beautiful, but she told me flat out people don't want to associate with you because of how you look. One of my best friend's and once my significant other also makes crude comments at me. Actually just last week he was teasing me and after talking to him I cried myself to sleep - I'm no way trying to fish for compliments, but when people look at you and they don't even want to talk to you because of the way you look, really upsets me, and makes me question this society, and how we can be so horrible as to discriminate against others. By no means am I saying I don't do that, because I know I do, but I feel that I take account my thoughts and try to change them. Yes its human nature to do this, but that's essentially why it is wrong.

Goo Hara

She's from the K-pop group Kara, and I've been obsessing over her! She's so freakin pretty and adorbs! I want to dye my hair now :P I never dyed my hair before but I think I might do it over the summer.. hopefully I don't wuss out

Albums I've Been Loving

 

I don't really go and explore new artists, I just tend to stick with the stuff I like. This song :]

I kinda like the feeling of self loathing and emptiness its a very calming feeling and consistent with everything in my life.

I'm one of those people who really wants to believe there's something more, yet I don't try hard enough to go and find that something.

What I think....

Some of the things I believe in are so different and so contradicting to how I act. For one I’m not that big of a ditsy and quirky girl that I act like, I’m a complete and utter pessimist and self-loathing person. But honestly I have good reason for it. I don’t believe in marriage, because I don’t think people can last, eventually you get tired of them, and you move on. I want to believe in love and selflessness but I don’t think anyone can achieve it, so why try when eventually we all fall apart. I’m not saying I believe we should all just look out for ourselves, I just honestly don’t want to try something that will fail in the end anyway, that’s just how I am, yet I do it in some occasions…but, yeah if there is no end result that will benefit anyone there’s no reason. Saying “at least we gave it our all and stuck with our guns” doesn’t matter. Its like the whole incentive as motivation, alright sure we should help the homeless for the reason that we’re “good and loving people” trying to help the less fortunate but why do we have incentives like community service hours? Tax deductions? It’s because it works. And as long as our community is getting cleaned up, people are getting food to eat ect. It doesn’t really matter that much. 
I try to make this blog based on fashion, art, music, and all the snazzy stuff but I just needed to rantt. Maybe I'll make a personal blog :P

I'm going through mental and emotional turmoil, over you, school, dealing with jealousy, moving, family. It's all just a big blur.

I have no clue what I’m doing, I feel as if I’m stuck here on a busy long highway standing still as the cars buzz by me. I feel numb and confused about absolutely everything. The people I truly care about don’t give two cents, and I’m sitting here trying my best with no results. Putting myself out there knowingly that I’m being pathetic; I just hope you can’t tell behind indifferent and nonchalant facade. I can’t see my goal, there is no goal. I’m doing without thought; I’m trying so hard to swallow it in. I don’t want my stupid feelings to hold me back, but I also am willing to put aside it for you. Secondly I’m stressing out about these AP exams, I don’t feel prepared at all and I’m trying to put all this information in, No motivation for anything whatsoever. My family life has always been tough, so it’s no biggy, but recently an incident when my relatives came over caused quite a bit of drama; let’s just say everyone left our house the next day. And what made it worse is I never seen my uncle that way, he’s probably the most calm person out of my family. And seeing my grandma in her self pity self loathing mood yet again was a pain  -.-, I don’t want to get in to detail so the jist of it is that I sat there listening to her cry and talk about disappointment for an hour.  I just want to sit in a corner and fall asleep crying.

Treasure Hunt

So this is what I bought about 2 weeks ago...you probably already seen me wear most of the items, but I'm one of those people who has to wear their clothes right when they get them hehe :]
I got all of this for about 32 dollars! love goodwill<3 my friend asked me to go with her and some other people to plaza thrift today in Mckinney but I couldn't go :(( darn asian house rules....but I want to go one of these days..hopefully soon the stuff there apparently ranges from 1 dollar to like 10 and it's supposed to be HUGE. Ahh well of to studying again -.-
PS: got this sweet Michael Kor's shirt dress for 2 bucks! it's in awesome condition and perfect fit :] I can see myself wearing this foreverr

“It doesn’t matter who she has in her heart. I like that girl. I like her if she likes you, and I like her if she hates me. She just has to be nearby.” – Sam-dong 
DREAM HIGH<3

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YUMM

Easter Sunday

Ann Taylor blouse thrifted.grey dress aeropostle.DIY floral belt tie.thrifted balleria wedges.

Wore this for Easter Sunday! I got to help plan stuff for it too :] I made the video and posters, It was a lot of fun and really sucessful! Thank you lord for being in my life and letting us remember your graciousness on this day.

Church Family :] minus a few

Inspiration Comes From Everything

There's a luster from the city lights on the waves that kiss our feet

Cropped denim jacket taiwan.tulle dress target. DIY stripped scarf. clarks leather clogs. thrifted woven bag

Easy outfit. It's state test week whoop! gonna be an easy week :]...except the fact that i have to study for AP exams T.T kill me noww

the sad truth... great mini movie <3

Laid Back Mondays

Just a lazy outfit for monday, AP exams coming up, i have 4 this year O.O I should probably stop blogging then, haha. Sadly I didn't wear my 5 inch wedges to school :P I was to afraid that I was going to trip and I would tower over everyone at 6 ft. But I'll make it a goal to wear these shoes out one of these days..